Philhellene’s Neighborhood

Happy New Year, Everyone!  Today I have some significant news to share.

On December 17, 2009, in the very early hours of the morning, I nearly bled to death.  I’m afraid I’m serious ─ by the time I was admitted into hospital from the emergency room, I was down to about a quarter of the amount of blood needed to sustain life.

The irony of this situation is that I was under a doctor’s care at the time, and that’s one of the reasons that I’m going public with this today. The second reason is because since I have been off Facebook, my blogs,  and other social networking sites, I’ve been getting emails from ‘fans’ asking questions such as: “Are you in rehab? You can tell me! My brother was in rehab last year at this time.” and “Did you have Demi-Moore-head-to-toe-plastic-surgery? Please post pics!”

I was inclined to let these strangers think what they would, but I’ve also been receiving messages of genuine concern, and those are why I’ve decided to write about this very personal experience publicly.

As boring as this probably makes me, a drug habit and/or a craving to own gravity-defying boobies had nothing to do with my absence from the internet.  What actually happened was that on November 9, I had what should have been routine uterine fibroid surgery. I wanted to keep the knowledge of that fact limited to my family and closer circle of friends, because to me there is nothing more cringe-worthy than people announcing these things on their Facebook status updates:  Jack is …”getting out of jail this week!”  Jane…”’s a husband is a lousy cheat!”  Patricia…”had a fibroid the size of a baseball removed from her uterus.” 

Yuck.

So, I didn’t announce it, (until now) and only made vague references to “not feeling well”, and even those mentions were only because I’d missed some social and business events. However, the “not feeling well” stretched on and on, and when I questioned my doctor, he went from voicing some concern to being brusquely irritated, “You must be patient. You’re not a patient person.”

And that’s where he got me. I’ve heard that more than once.  Even my own husband seconded it. So, I tried to be patient. And, as it turns out, I can be patient. Actually, I was so patient, I nearly died of it.

I’m sorry, I still squeamish about writing the specifics, but suffice it to say that I was bleeding, but in such an unusual pattern that it didn’t raise any alarm bells with the doctor. To be fair to him, the symptoms were atypical. Coupled with this detail was my enormous energy level that was only somewhat depleted by the anemia that was increasing weekly. In fact, the day before I was driven to the Emergency Room by my panicked husband, I attended a business meeting, then went to the market, and ended the day with a walk on the treadmill at my gym!

So, I can’t completely blame the doctor and others around me for missing the signs. But I do blame myself. For the reason that I knew something was wrong, and yet, I allowed myself to be talked out of that gut feeling, because an authority figure’s opinion on that was different than mine. I allowed my criticism of myself for my renowned lack of patience to cow me into accepting advice I knew I shouldn’t have accepted.

This really galls me. In the aftermath of a surgery from which I was not even remotely recovered after six weeks, followed by near-death in which I could literally feel ‘things shutting down’ on the way to the ER, a frantic blood transfusion of six units of blood, a second surgery to correct the problem that was causing the internal bleeding, and a stay in hospital that was like a Saturday Night Live skit (they actually woke me up at 2 a.m. after this ordeal to weigh me), and now looking at another few weeks before I’m able to resume all my normal activities, that one fact that I conceded precedence is what still disturbs me most about this experience. Because if I hadn’t, if I’d trusted myself, none of it would’ve occurred.

Usually, I am confident, capable, and secure in myself. In my writings, especially my political ones, I’m constantly stating how we must all think for ourselves, not cling to an ideology or allow some rhetorical speaker to do our thinking for us.  And yet, it took this illness to discover that on some levels, I am still trying to be that ‘good little girl’ who is liked by everyone. Given the right circumstances, press the right buttons, and I will still defer to the instincts of others rather than my own.  This was a more shocking realization than the ER doc’s words, “Wow- your blood counts are dangerously low. Lucky for you, you’re so fit. You wouldn’t have made it here otherwise.”

And now, because I’ve been so sick for so long (close to two months, now) I have to work twice as hard just to get back to that fitness level I worked so hard to attain in the first place. I also left the hospital with a cough that makes me sound like a TB victim, due to the second surgery temporarily diminishing my lungs capacity, and am short of breath just walking up a flight of stairs. I have to drink a horrid iron potion that tastes like rotted prunes and old coffee grinds. My skin feels like sandpaper, and I have been warned by my hairdresser that some of my hair might fall out due to the trauma.  Pitiful, right? You bet. And stupid, too.

But I did learn some lessons, and oh, boy ─ they were big ones. And I think they might be important enough to share:

First is that this year has been an amazing year for me, and not just because it was almost my last one. I didn’t know when I first published my book that there would be a number of people who’d dislike me as a result. Never thought of that aspect of it, but there it was. So that was a lesson, if not learned for the first time, reiterated:  Your true friends are the ones who stick with you not only when times are bad, but also when times for you are really, really good.  A sad thing to realize, but an important thing.

On the plus side, there were yet a far greater number of people who were tremendously pleased for me and supportive of my first book. Friends I hadn’t seen in years contacted me to offer sincere congratulations, and new people I met through my writing groups, blogs, etc., were equally enthusiastic and complimentary. I feel truly blessed by this. I’ve always thought that the media overhypes the evil of humankind, and now that the average person has his/her own way of communicating globally through the internet, I find that this is true ─ humanity is mostly good, not mostly bad.  It’s a shame that we only get reports about the bad from our mainstream news sources. This was a terrific thing to discover.

I also understood from being ill, that my husband and children, to borrow a phrase from Sally Field, “really do like me”. My son slept at hospital with me the first night I was there, and my husband, whose idea of cooking is to make a sandwich, delivered hot, homemade meals to my bedside every night once I got home. And then there were my friends who rallied ─ Thanksgiving dinner, two Christmas dinners, flowers, get well cards, and phone calls. Messages on Facebook and emails from my colleagues, new friends and former pupils, (who feel like nieces and nephews to me) all meant so, so much.

I’ve always valued my friends and my family, but I admit it was wonderful seeing the tangible proof that they value me, too. It was one more reason to get well, so that I could appreciate and enjoy them all the more.

But the biggest lesson I learned is from now on, with no worries about how others will feel, I’m going to embrace my impatience, rather than try to change it. It’s full speed ahead for me, now and always, because I’m made that way. And never again will I not trust myself. Never again will I feel intimidated by others’ opinions, be they valid or not. And when I find myself wavering from this resolution, I’m going to remember the bruises on my arms from IV needles, the feeling weak and dizzy, the crying as the questions ran around in my head as to why I wasn’t recovering, and all the other momentous experiences of this illness now burned in my memory.  They all happened because I still haven’t completely shaken the “Good-Girls-Don’t-Make-a-Fuss Syndrome.”   Screw that.  From now on, I AM MAKING A FUSS.  And it will be your choice to like me for it or not, however you please.

I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. If we do one thing differently this year, let’s embrace ourselves, even with all our faults. I don’t mean ‘be a sociopath and proud’. I mean that while not deliberately causing harm to others, let’s acknowledge that we will make mistakes, that we are not perfect, but we are still worthwhile human beings who have something to offer our friends, our family, and the world. Let’s acknowledge that we can and should have faith in our own selves, even with those imperfections. If we start with that attitude, the year ahead will open us to new encounters. Since we’ll feel more confident, we won’t be afraid when one of our beliefs is challenged, because if we learn that that belief is wrong, it will make us feel empowered, not weakened. We’ll have the courage to fail, not feeling that we are “failures”, but rather human beings on a journey to ever-increasing knowledge.  And while none of this will necessarily make the year ahead be filled with all the health, happiness and success we all wish each other every January 1, it will certainly help it be filled with less anxiety and self-doubt.

So, look out 2010 ─ here we come!

Patricia and son, Niko at San Francisco's Litquake Black and White Ball, 2009

P.S- As is the case due to VOX software problems, anyone who would like to leave a comment, can do so on my Facebook page, or on my Word Press blog.  The links are: http://www.facebook.com/#/patriciaVdavis?ref=profile

and http://patriciavolonakisdavis.wordpress.com/2010/01/01/2009-the-year-that-ended-dangerously/  I'm very sorry about this continued inconvenience.Main reason I rarely post her anymore. Happy New Year, Everyone. I wish you all a wonderful year!

Boyfriend and I will be leaving for Catalina Island tomorrow.  We will be celebrating New Year's at the Casino, and at midnight we will be standing beneath an avalanche of balloons.

On later days, we will tour the island, looking for bison, deer, quail, eagles and foxes.  We will play miniature golf, with the local cats s-link-ing behind us.  We will enjoy yourselves on that petite, happy island.

Isle Be Seeing You In 2010

So while I'm away, behave yourselves - do - this New Year's.  I did receive some money for Christmas, but certainly not enough to post bail for the lot of you.

The Nation's Swinginest Playground

Gary Patterson's Cats 2010 Wall Calendar

Horray, we got a lovely dusting of snow! We actually got more than the day they were predicting a Nor'easter. It's a nice treat because I adore December and I miss it when it's gone. I have whole new ways to celebrate the winter now. I'm thinking about buying some snowshoes. I usually just use my heavy winter boots for the snow.

J got me a Panasonic camera, it's super lightweight and takes lovely photos. Almost everyone at the family gathering was trying to fight clutter - so most of the presents were pure necessity. Gloves. Winter boots and blankets. Datebooks. A few packages of hot chocolate and spices.

The one luxury item was books. Sweet cookbooks, fiction, bird books and art museums. Ah, I love books!! They're borderline necessity, in my mind - but I bought many new books - not good for the forests. I should be using the library or our used book store more often. I won't bore anyone with Resolutions (yet) but in past years I've focused on replacing plastic and meat, and wasteful packaging. This year I must focus on my passion: preserving habitat. Deforestation and cropland will be my focus.

I have the feeling that in the year 2010, we're going to see more Greenwashing than ever before. Businesses and product makers are getting saavy about how they present themselves. They are following the science and keeping up with terms that will impress the public.

Eco-friendly is not just a trend these days, it's a real concern that people have. I'm convinced that commercials will bombard us more than ever with messages that are designed to conceal and confuse. This drives me batty and I hope to debunk these dirty tricks and write (in a fun way) about the truth. So we can all benefit.

And hopefully, I'm going to keep this year light and cheerful, and rustic as well.  :D

Solstice

Hey everyone! I hope you all had an amazing Holiday!!  :)

For the New Year, I just thought I'd post links to 3 of my favorite charites. I'll go into more detail on each one later, but for now check out their websites. All are real players working for our planet.

The New England Wildflower Society

NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council)

The Center for Biological Diversity

To my adorable friends:  always sing without fear.

Happy Holidays and may you have a New Year that embraces you with all the good things you desire.

Well, it's Christmas at last, and from the sound of you all on Twitter your cards are sent, and your presents wrapped. It's been great hearing all your cries of delight recently, as your poor postmen and women have struggled with packages through the snowy weather! Hope those of you who have time off over the festive season get everything you wish for, and those who are working have more fun than you might be expecting. We've published the dates we're working over the holidays, so if you find yourself in the office, you might well have company here in the UK, or over with the MOO Crew in the US. We've had a great few weeks spotting unique gifts and ideas created with MOO, here's a few of our favourites: A tetrabox advent calendar, by Bcome Also by Bcome, this lovely looking memory game, complete with a great pattern on the back: This super-cute Mosaic Frame, created by thisiswoly. Filled with 20 Minicards, it features the beautiful baby Sarah. These wonderful looking alphabet game cards, by taraghb, which look like they were as fun to make as they will be to use! And last but not least, look at this! another entry into our MiniCard Gift Box competition! Created by emusing-emma, it's really bought an extra flutter of Christmas cheer into MOO Towers. We love his little sledge! Fancy joining in the fun? Closing date for entries to our competition is midnight PST 28th December 2009. Why not grab some festive paper, and see what you can do! More competition details can be found right here. And now all that remains for me to say is a Very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from everyone at MOO!

A very happy Winter Solstice to all my friends on Vox!!

I'm looking forward to a year filled with new books and travel. I'm also looking forward to unexpected things. I think this year will bring something new. Maybe fruits from some faraway place. Maybe I'll make an art film or study some unusual mammal with an umber and scarlet coat.

I hope you all discover novel things too, and have a great Holiday with your loved ones! May our planet be blessed as well.

Cheers!

Could these Garmin ads be any more bizarre? Campers watch out for that Yeti.....

May you find joy in the little things around you.

Awesome box

1 comment

(No, I am not too proud to have ganked a lolcat image.  To me, this says it all.)

I wish all my Vox friends and acquaintances all the happiness and comfort that could possibly come to you, whether it be in family, feasting, furry friends, or a simple mug of hot chocolate or the smell of pine boughs.

Love to you all,

Laurie

FC00-4274

It is totally flipping cold and dry here. It's kind of neat to see icicles hanging off the banisters and windows, but sheesh, running is brutal. The bricks and sculptures I used for my garden are frozen into the ground. Anything left outdoors cracks and breaks. I'm finally over my sinus problems, though. 

A few days ago we finally broke down and bought some holiday lights. The house was completely dark every year while other houses have a shiny blue and white glow or colorful lights around their trees.  I was browsing some bookstores and ran across some literature about Yule. I was struck by how important warm, glowing lights are this time of year. Fires, candles. Strings of lights and happy snowmen glowing against the bitter ice and snow.

I was looking for winter book suggestions, and wouldn't you know it, the goddess of Ecology was listening. As I wandered the nature aisle I found the most wonderful treasure: the Princeton Encyclopedia of Mammals. I've never seen a book as incredible as this. 934 pages of all-out beauty. Stunning, cutting-edge data on over 5,000 mammal species.

The Princeton Encyclopedia of Mammals

Some highlights:

Group living of european rabbits in the chalk and dune land warrens

Nonstop motherhood of honey possums

Form and function of the carnivore body plan

Mammals of the middle Eocene

I am in love with this book. I think our lights and this reading will keep me warm all winter. I so recommend this book if you have any interest in mammals. I recommend a latte or a spiced hot chocolate in your local bookstore-cafe while you browse the nature section. On Saturday our bookseller had hired a violin-cello quartet to play holiday music while people browsed and drank coffee. A lovely evening!